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Over here in the US, we're holding primaries and caucuses on both sides of the aisle in some vain attempt to who make the best leader of the country. Absolutely not a popularity contest at all. This got me thinking: Hey, I have a blog. But it's on a video game site. How am I going to write an article about political contenders? I'll go with the obvious answer of basing video games off of the contenders.
John McCain: Straight Talk Express
This one writes itself. You play the role of John McCain, traveling down the road in his motor home, attempting to not flirt with disaster. You will be tasked to pilot this fearsome vehicle down the interstate. Watch out for pedestrians, as hitting on of those will result in an instant game over. Collect Silver stars, purple hearts and bronze stars to increase your score. Avoid the traffic or some of your medals might fly out the open windows. Make sure you don't fall asleep, however. Those nightmare minigames are very difficult to overcome. Barack Obama: Barack Brawl
I can see myself getting in trouble for this one. To start off, lets have some Double Dragon style gameplay. This side scrolling beat 'em up would have two players, Barack Obama and Ted Kennedy. Kennedy would have more physical strength, but Obama would have the power of evasion on his side. A sinister group known only as "S. Quo" has created a giant magnet that steals the world's population of the will to change. Barack and Ted must fight their way to the South Pole where the S. Quo headquarters lie to lay waste to the machine and reinvigorate the populace. Mike Huckabee: Huckabeat
This would obviously be a music game. One of the biggest oversights of Rock Band is the lack of the bass career, and that's the niche that this game would fill. You would assume the role of Governor Huckabee as he tries to gain notoriety on the campaign trail by playing bass for sold out events and fund raisers. The better you play, the more money you receive in donations, and the more donations you get the more places you will be able to travel and play. The game will have some very popular music to be able to groove along to, including such hits as "The Norris Shuffle," "Baptist Bop" and "Evolution is a Lie." Rudolph Giuliani: 9/11
It's a shame Rudy has dropped out of the race. Give me a few minutes, I have to get out of this hole I've dug myself into. Mitt Romney: Mitt Romney's Bake Sale
This would be a very stripped down clone of Cooking Mama. The year is 1945, and the kids of the neighborhood church group are holding a bake sale but they have no idea how to actually bake. Young Mitt must whip the recipes up into delicious treats for the neighborhood. Score would be kept in the amount of money you take in from your Rice Krispy Squares, Cupcakes and Peanut Brittle. Are you confidant enough in your cooking to charge more money, or will you go the cheap route to hook new customers? The choice is entirely up to you. You might even be able to knock over the other teams' storefronts and spread vicious rumors about the quality of the other teams' baked goods. This small scale business simulator is guaranteed to be a million seller. Hilary Clinton: Thinking of the Children
This would be a very lame game where you try to get violent games out of children's hands by limiting what game companies can put into games by making most games AO rated and thus not sold anywhere that children can find them. Once you beat the game, a vortex opens up in the middle of your living room and the cartridge of the game jumps into, destroying it forever. Once the smoke clears, you will be left with a sense of longing, and an empty space where your living room used to reside. I am so sorry.
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